31 October 2012

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

1. Reading. It is my soul food.
2. Parkour. I like to be able to manipulate my own body. (except right now I can't)
3. Writing. It's the only way I feel I can actually communicate. I'm not very good at speaking to people, so my emotions often get left out of conversations. But they end up on paper. And on the internet.
4. Video Games. I like to waste some time. Also I like to play out good story lines. I don't like games that are only about shooting things. I like platforming games and ones with puzzles to solve and places to explore.
5. Hiking. I love to get out of the city and away from (most) people. I like to breathe fresh air, use my legs, see the natural world.
I've been trying not to post more than once a day. I realized that with the Q and A plus word of the day plus random journal musing, I was overrunning everyone.

So. Here is the first double post in some time.

This is the first week of my return to a 5 day work week.
I get to sleep in a bit in the mornings.
I don't ever drive to work in the dark (and I won't all winter!)
I get to spend a bit of time with my boyfriend in the morning.
I can (and should) exercise in the mornings.
I spend only 8 hours a day at work, so it makes the days fly by. Mostly.

I have to work on Thursday, which means I only get a 2 day weekend.

Though the list of pros may be bigger than the cons list, the con list wins. Seriously, how can one compare a few hours in the mornings to an entire day? One can't. Hopefully I'll be allowed to switch back to four tens soon.

Back to the talk of multiple posts: because November is starting, I'll be posting 100 words of so of writing each day. The Q and As don't count because I wrote them up ahead of time. So be prepared.

30 October 2012

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5. I don't know. Hopefully not at this job. Hopefully doing something somewhat fulfilling with at least one more country visited.  Hopefully still with my boyfriend. That'd be awesome.

10. Yeah, I don't know. Perhaps moved somewhere. Hopefully with a real job. With a real plan.

15. Fulfilled.

29 October 2012

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

It would be a toss up between flying and teleporting.Probably teleporting it would save a lot of time and money on my travels.

28 October 2012

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

It started at a very young age. Five. Six. And continued until puberty. I grew up in a very Christian home. Church almost every week. Prayers. Bible reading. Christian school. Every night I prayed. I prayed for sick people. For unbelievers. And for God to make me a boy. Every single night. And every morning I'd awake to disappointment. It took me almost 20 years to take matters into my own hands.

It was the day before Valentine's Day, 1997. I was at a local stock show trying to sell tickets to a school fundraiser. A man brought a box of puppies and set them next to us. He told us that we had to give them away. He wasn't coming back for them. Of course we all wanted one. We held them all day and played with them. Somehow I convinced my dad that I should be able to bring one home to show my mother. We only had one dog at the time. I'd taken a liking to the runt. She was just over half as small as her brothers and sisters. And she loved her pink belly to be rubbed. Of course, when I got her home to show my mom, there was no going back. I called her Valerie. She lived until last year. She was a fantastic and smart little dog.

I was 10 when we built the house. Construction took place in the winter so that my dad didn't spend too much time away from actual work. I remember "helping" as I often did on his construction jobs. I would clean up debris and the like. However, because it was winter, the decks would have to be shoveled until they put a huge tarp over the whole hole. The big heaters that kept everything a good temperature made the tarp billow up. From afar, I could only see mounds of snow covered dirt around the foundations and a round plastic bubble. It was great fun. And fun to move into a brand new house. I realize that not a whole lot of people get that opportunity.

27 October 2012

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I'm actually more than happy here in Colorado. I think the weather is amazing (mostly. except for the 90+ in the summer.) I love the mountains and I love living in a real city. I love the people are generally nice and usually accepting of most everything. 

However, I've always wanted to at least visit New Zealand and also Iceland. I don't think I could live in Iceland for very long because I don't like darkness for so long. Also, I like trees and there aren't any there.

But New Zealand is perfect. Mountains. Green things. Ocean. Kiwi accents. Oh, and Lord of the Rings.

26 October 2012

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

I actually forgive fairly easily. I cannot really think of anything. Unless of course this coming election goes awry.

25 October 2012

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

There are 2 things and I'm not sure which I want more. Parkour or writing. 

24 October 2012

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. I graduated college. When I was in high school, I didn't even want to go to college. I'm glad I did, even though a bachelor's now means almost nothing.
2. I climbed Mt. Elbert. It was awesome to stand on the highest point in Colorado.
3. I decided to take the plunge and medically transition. I was on the fence for quite a long time, trying to reconcile my past, religion, family etc. It was the best decision I've ever made.
4. I've traveled internationally. It seems like most people want to travel, but often don't get the chance to. I don't have the means to travel much these days, but I am glad that I've been to 5 countries besides my own.
5. I have worked at a shelter for over 3 years and I have never adopted an animal. (It doesn't count that my boyfriend has.)

23 October 2012

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is a fox, obviously. I feel some sort of connection to them. I wrote a lot about why when I first got my Celtic fox tattoo.

However, I don't think that's the animal I'd like most to be. I want to be a kestrel. They are a rather small bird of prey, but still really badass. Most importantly, they fly. That's the best part. 

22 October 2012

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

1. I tell the truth. Pretty much always if you ask the right questions. 
2.I try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. I won't let anyone take advantage of that for long, but you've got my initial respect.
3. I like to think I'm a good judge of character. This doesn't generally affect how I treat a person, but it often affects how often I want to be around them.
4. I'm a good listener, or a try to be. I'm patient.
5. I like to learn and I retain a lot of what I know. I try not to be pompous about my knowledge, but I do know a lot of things about a lot of subjects.

21 October 2012

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

1. sugary foods. I find it almost impossible to resists sweets.
2. buying underwear. I know it's sort of odd. Or perhaps it's just typical gay guy behavior. But I love fun and colorful boxer briefs. 
3. social awkwardness. I don't make friends very quickly. First impressions of me are often not very good. I don't talk much to people unless I know them. I avoid eye contact. I hang out in corners. I'm awkward.
4. procrastination. It's not as huge a problem now that I'm no longer a student, but I still push things back for longer than I probably should. Like job applications for instance.
5. apathy. I don't care about much, even when I should. Or when I do care, I don't care enough to do anything about it.

20 October 2012

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

At 625 my phone alarm goes off. It's "Teardrop" by Massive Attack (the theme song for the show House.) I shut it off and roll over to cuddle my boyfriend.

At 635 the second one goes off and I get up. I go to the bathroom. Dress. I make lunch. Eat breakfast. Shortly after 700 I kiss the boy goodbye and head for work.

I clock into work at the shelter at 730. I often don't know beforehand which area I'm assigned to. If it's dogs, I have to move them out of their kennels and completely clean each kennel. For cats, I have to sort of clean around them. This takes most of the day. I have a few 15 minute breaks. I listen to music on my iPod. I occasionally talk to coworkers. I text. I take my lunch break around 1330 or so. The latter part of the day is usually just maintaining cleanliness of the kennels and areas.

At 1800 I clock out and head home. I usually don't stop anywhere on the way home. My boyfriend is in law school in the evenings so I eat dinner and play Assassin's Creed for a few hours until he returns. Sometimes we go for a run. Mostly we just do some things on the internet and then watch an episode of Supernatural and go to sleep between 2300 and midnight.

And repeat.

19 October 2012

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

1. Messiness. I can handle it for awhile, it's not a big deal, but it does irk me somewhere deep inside.
2. Barking dogs. Especially little, yappy ones. They're annoying. I deal with them every day and I don't want to run into them when I'm not working.
3. Noisy or unmanaged children.
4. Internet/text lingo. There is no reason to abbreviate everything. And making up words is only cool if you're Joss Whedon.
5. People who insist on arguing. I won't do it. I run into this most on tumblr. And with my mother.
6. I hate when people leave trash in my car. I like to keep it clean. If I'm giving you a ride, do the same.
7. When my text messages go unanswered. Pay attention to me!
8. People who smoke indoors. The constant smell of stale cigarette smoke.
9. People who think they can write, but who really can't. (I'm also a little scared I may be one of them.)
10. The economy as related to grads. I have a degree, I shouldn't have to work for minimum wage. But I have a useless degree unless I get a masters.
My boyfriend now has a dog named fox, well, Zorro. He's pretty cool.

First hike for Zorro and first hike of winter for us.

18 October 2012

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

That crushing feeling in my chest. I hold my breath and turn away. It's usually when I say something dumb. I cannot think of a recent instance, but I do recall one from my childhood.

My family was staying at a hotel somewhere and it had a pool, so we were playing in it. My parents, however, were in the hot tub. I begged my dad several times to come to the pool and play with me, but so far he hadn't moved. So I was playing by myself in the shallow part and then I saw him coming over! I was excited and ran to him hugging him. But it wasn't him. It was a very confused and uncomfortable man who just so happened to also have black swim trunks.

I think I died then.

16 October 2012

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

1. My dad. He's a very strong person, physically and in character. He wanted to be an artist, but for practicality, he went for carpentry instead. He says it's still artistic, building things. Designing things. But I know it's a sacrifice he made so that my brother and I might be able to choose something other than hard labor. He's very good with people. Always knows just the right things to say to make most everyone like him, even if he doesn't like them. He knows how to motivate people.

2. My high school English and Economics teacher. Mr. P's classes were always riveting. He furthered my love of literature and introduced me to The Power of One, one of my favorite books. Even in Economics, a subject that isn't particularly easy, he pushed me to excel. He was also extremely outdoorsy. He hiked and climbed and biked and everything. He was inspiring.

3-5 Several professors in college. They made learning worthwhile. (I know, it's lazy not to actually list them.)

6. My brother. He made most of the mistakes before me, so I could make different ones. And not ones that are as detrimental.

7. Orson Scot Card. He's a writer. A good one, in my opinion. And no, I don't agree with his politics, but I very much like his stories and he inspires me to write similarly.

8. My very good friend who used to be my roommate and once my girlfriend. (I just don't like using names.) She is a very strong person who's dealt with a whole lot of adversity. She's also the kindest person I know.

9. Joss Whedon. His characters regardless of gender, age, race, sexuality are all strong and important and wonderfully written. I want to make characters like that.

10. All trans people. The ones that I aspire to be like and even the ones I disagree with. I've gained perspective and insight from each of them. 

EDIT: 10/19 I definitely forgot to as Mayra, the nurse in Mexico that I lived with for a month or so. She's incredibly dedicated and the most inspirational person I've ever met. I miss her. 

8. What are 5 passions you have?

1. Parkour. I'd love to learn the discipline to get my body into so perfect shape. To manipulate my own weight. To treat the world as my playground.

2. Travel. I want to see new things. I want to smell things, taste things, take photos, make connections, help people, learn things. Find myself.

3. Writing. I have so many worlds in my head. So many characters. But I find it difficult to let them spill out. I don't know how to organize a plot. I don't know how to discipline myself to actually write. It used to come so naturally...

4. Helping people. That's broad. And I'm not good at people.

5. Photography. Photos almost never tell the actual tale. Showing a friend a photo I took may be neat, but they won't actually get the experience. My photos are for me. They are memories, reminders. I see a photo of something and I can recreate the time and place. I can reminisce. 

15 October 2012

7. What is your dream job, and why?

If I knew this, I'd be striving for it. What I do know is that my current job is not it.

My dream job would utilize my Global Studies degree. I would be able to travel freely to many interesing places around the world. Not as a tourist, but getting to know people. Helping where needed. Using my hands and my ears mostly.

I'd also love to write on the side. Meaningful things. Fun things. Most of all: complete things. Perhaps get a a little recognition and even compensation for said things. 

14 October 2012

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I don't actually have much hardship in my life. But the thing that sticks out is the events on and around Christmas Eve 2009.

I'd been seeing her since my birthday (mid October). I'd liked her since I met her, a year or so before. We shared friends. We shared a place of work originally. We shared many interests. But I was young and eager and I gave too much of myself. She didn't want it so it went to waste. Christmas Eve was the breaking point. We tried to be friends a bit after that. But my conflicted feelings were in the way. And then she grew suspicious that I was stalking her or something. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.

The reason it is so difficult for me is because I don't like leaving things unresolved. I don't like not being friends with a person after I've given them something of myself.  I hate that I was accused of something I'd never do. After being completely honest with her all the time, she still doubted me.

It is well behind me now, but it occasionally still makes me seethe. Sometimes I want to make things right. Talk to her. Be friends again. Other times I want to yell at her and tell her how horrible she actually is underneath the facade. But mostly I don't think about her at all. And I am happy.

13 October 2012

Royal Gorge

Took a nice drive on a nice day to the Royal Gorge. I've lived in Colorado all my life and in Denver for over 8 years and I'd never been.

Also, I'm not even a little afraid of heights. I'm not the type who loves to jump off heights, as I hate the falling feeling, but I don't mind being up there. Anyhow, it was cool. Probably not quite worth the admission ticket, but the company was well worth it and it was a grand day.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. Fall. I love the cool weather and the colors more than anything.
2. Headed down to the Royal Gorge today. I've never been.
3. Lying next to a lovely body. (Living body, just for clarification.)
4. I got Assassin's Creed and it's amazing. I shall now waste my life even more.
5. Last night we sang old hymns at a pub. That was fun and the hymns were rather nostalgia-full.
draggle \DRAG-uhl\, verb:
1. To soil by dragging over damp ground or in mud.
2. To trail on the ground; be or become draggled.
3. To follow slowly; straggle.

The small girl's doll made it safely on the journey, draggled though she became. 

12 October 2012

I feel. Icky. Or something. I need to be active again. But sitting in front of the computer or playing video games and eating is just so much easier. I get tired of being active at work all the time. But currently I rather loathe my body. I mean, I often do anyhow, but it's hard to have it be double.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

1. There is a reason you are uncomfortable in women's clothing. There is nothing wrong with you.
2. Mom thinks you're depressed, perhaps you should be more social instead of living in your head and in books. Or not.
3. Make the most out of owning a horse. Raindrop will be sold before you go to college.
4. Try not to eat so much candy. The addiction only gets worse, and dental work is costly.
5. Make a habit of push-ups, sit-ups and other exercises. It'll be handy later.
6. You don't have to choose a Christian college. It's okay if you do, but you actually don't have to.
7. Don't get stuck in a job you don't like. Choose wisely.
8. Save every penny. It's hard to travel when you're not sponsored by the church. Also, surgery is expensive.
9. Don't throw out Dad's old patched jacket. You'll regret it.
10. Be careful with people and your heart. Don't give it to anyone who doesn't want it.

Word of the day will be on hiatus until the words are more easily able to be used in a sentence. They have been words that describe parts of language and rather useless of themselves.

11 October 2012

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Strained at best. They haven't really taken to the idea that I'm trans. I've always got on very well with my dad. And he is very kind and generous. He makes an effort to use my new name. My mom and I are not similar enough to get along very well. She likes to argue and gets more angry when I refuse to. She makes a concerted effort to use female pronouns and my given name as often as possible. We do, however tend to talk on the phone about once a week. But mostly we don't talk about anything important. Just the weather.

10 October 2012

anacoluthon \an-uh-kuh-LOO-thon\, noun:
1. A construction involving a break in grammatical sequence, as It makes me so—I just get angry.
2. An instance of anacoluthia.

Perhaps on these I'll write an example instead of using the word in a sentence. But not today. I may leave off on these until after the 30 days questionnaire.  Or just do interesting ones. 

Routine bores me.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Change. I don't know exactly how this came to be. I never thought of myself as a creature of habit, but at the thought of leaving what I know and starting fresh, I am afraid. Working on changing this. I like the idea of spontaneity.

2. Falling. I'm not afraid of heights. I don't really get vertigo, but I do not like rides and such that involve free-fall. I don't like the feeling of not being in control. Amusement parks are far from amusing for me.

3. Being alone. I realize this is rather irrational, but I do fear that someday all of my friends will realize I'm daft and peace out.

09 October 2012

catachresis \kat-uh-KREE-sis\, noun:
Misuse or strained use of words, as in a mixed metaphor, occurring either in error or for rhetorical effect.

I actually am completely at a loss as to how to use this in a sentence. I could possibly think of using it's definition, but I don't know how to use the word. Lately the words have been a bit difficult. I'll do better when it's not so late. 
1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

1. I have 3 tattoos of Icelandic words.
2. The only thing I'm actually truly afraid of is change.
3. Patrick, the cat I got when I was in 2nd grade, is still alive at my parent's house.
4. I'm not very good at flirting.
5. Fall is my favorite season.
6. I really like Great Danes, but I don't think I could ever afford to own one.
7. I have a large collection of plush foxes and figurines.
8. I pick my cuticles incessantly and I hate it.
9. I long to go back to the Copper Canyon in Mexico.
10. I have a 12 year old nephew.
11. Today I sliced my thumb on a cat food can at work.
12. It is extremely hard for me to motivate myself to do anything other than eat and sit in front of a screen.
13. I really like taking photos. I wish I was better at it.
14. I hate that some 'friends' tend to disappear.
15. My favorite color is purple, closely followed by orange.
16. I've never broken a bone.
17. I used to own a replica Elvish sword from the Lord of the Rings films.
18. I also used to own a replica leather browncoat from Firefly.
19. I adore Ewan McGregor.
20. I fear I'll never use my degree. 

Okay, so in order to prompt my writing I've stolen this list from a friend. When we get to November I'll either post more than once a day or count it towards the 100 words. So, for the next 30 days I'll answer one of these questions. Starting today. In the next post.


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy
right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

08 October 2012

apophasis  \uh-POF-uh-sis\, noun:
Denial of one's intention to speak of a subject that is at the same time named or insinuated, as “I shall not mention Caesar's avarice, nor his cunning, nor his morality.”

 "My brother is neither lewd nor an alcoholic" his apophasis was clear, the girl left. 
Going 'home' was uneventful. I did, however, get to see my 'phew. I haven't seen him for about a year and a half. He's 12 now. My mom once said something about not letting me see him, but apparently changed her mind or forgot. We don't have a connection anymore since I don't see him regularly. And I have changed, I'm sure he realizes that. I wonder what my parents and his parents say about me...

07 October 2012

I post a sentence every day, utilizing new vocabulary. But as November approaches, I feel the pressure to actually write. It may not become a novel. In fact, I expect it won't. But I have some ideas that I might be able to flesh out into short story material. Starting November 1st, I want to write something of substance daily. It can be fiction or non fiction, but must be at least 100 words. Keep me to it?
tardigrade \TAHR-di-greyd\, adjective:
1. Slow in pace or movement.
2. Belonging or pertaining to the phylum Tardigrada.
1. Also called bear animalcule, water bear. Any microscopic, chiefly herbivorous invertebrate of the phylum Tardigrada, living in water, on mosses, lichens, etc.

 I am a sprinter, I've yet to master long distances without my pace becoming steadily tardigrade.

06 October 2012

fracas \FREY-kuhs\, noun:
A noisy, disorderly disturbance or fight; riotous brawl; uproar.

After the fracas in the pub, Lane was more than ready for a long night's rest. 

05 October 2012

hirtellous \hur-TEL-uhs\, verb:
Minutely hirsute.

It's a good thing I know what the two words in the definition mean. 

At the beginning of hormone replacement therapy, any hirtellous darkening was a cause of immense satisfaction. Now, it's almost mundane.
I wish I could live in the worlds I create in my head. Not all of them are prefect. Not all of them are even pleasant. But they are mine and they are different than what I have now.
agita \AJ-i-tuh\, noun:
1. Agitation; anxiety.
2. Heartburn; indigestion.

For a racehorse agita is expected, but in my nose-to-tail trail horse it was quite a thrill. 

01 October 2012

They seemed to have neglected to email me today, so I had to look this one up.


\ YOO-til \  , adjective;
1. Useful.
My boyfriend has told me a story of when he was immersed in learning the Spanish language. The word for "useful" is "util". He figured it was a fairly direct translation, but people got confused. Little did everyone know that utile is really a word and a rather utile one at that.