26 December 2011

I don’t generally make specific New Year’s reloutions, but I do always have things I’m striving to accomplish, and January first is as good a start date as any.

I want to be able to see my abs. I don’t care if there is a six pack or just flat, but I want to see them. To do this, I am going to stop eating sweets alltogether. Seriously. And I am going to do several sets of crunches and other core workouts each day. When it’s warm enough out not to freeze my lungs, I’ll begin to run in the evenings again in order to shed the beer gut.

I want to write something. Not just a blurb or bit of expostion, but a short story or even the outline of a novel. It needs to have a begining and an end and a nice plot to follow.

I want to read more and be on the internet less.

I want to spend more time with my friends. I’ve been really bad at this lately. I rarely even see my roommate. This will change.

I want to be outside more. On my days off I want to be hiking in the mountains or at least walking around town. Not inside.

I want to find a new job.

I want to find a place to volunteer that better suits my calling in life. (Whatever that is.)

25 December 2011

Families are odd. They're the ones that are supposed to know you best and vice versa. They're the ones that are supposed to stick with you and really care. They're also the ones I have tense and awkward forced conversations with on holidays.

I know my parents love me. My mom even sent me holiday candies. My dad refuses to let me pay for my cell phone. They try to understand me. They do not disown me.

They just refuse to learn about my life. They wish to remember me and not know me as I am.

It makes me a bit sad.

17 December 2011

thoughts on religion

I am afraid of religion. Not in general, just as it pertains to me. The reaction I have at the thought returning to religion is much like the reaction I have at the thought of returning to school. I'm not entirely sure where this feeling came from. I don't think it's always been there. For quite awhile after I came out as some shade of queer, I tried to rectify my faith with what I believed about myself. I still believe this is possible, just not for me.

I certainly do believe in God. I just don't believe in organized religion I guess. It seems to get it wrong time and time again. I understand the structure and I remember how good it felt to be a part of that club. But I can do without the guilt, thanks. And I don't enjoy the exclusivity anymore.

I don't like to try to narrow God into a definition. From what I've experienced, perhaps He's benevolent. But there is also evidence that He's a bit spiteful and vengeful and even cruel. But then again, I think that's just humanity. And life.

Anyhow, I am allergic to religion and furthering my education in the traditional manner.

God is no longer back-burner as I wrote some years ago. He's basically cooling off in that little drawer under the stove.