11 March 2008

Realism is Depressing

I feel so overwhelmed by the pessimism that surrounds my studies. Not studies in general, but my area of study. As a Global Studies major, I am inundated with the statistics. Millions starve around the world. Human rights are constantly violated. Wars erupt. Corruption is rampant.

And here I sit. Affected only through study. I feel useless. I can do nothing. I cannot help. And sometimes I wonder if I should. Sometimes I wonder if it is not just for the best that humanity annihilates itself.

I get too much negative. I know all the bad things. But I do not know how to help. I feel that I cannot possibly help in light of the numbers. Nothing I ever do will dent the statistics. I am powerless.

I am generally an idealist. Envisioning a bright future. Vowing to love where I can and do everything I can to help everyone. (When my apathy does not take over.)

But I know I can never love enough. I can never change the world.

My head knows that a little helps. Perhaps I cannot help everyone, but I can help someone. I can change the world for one person.

But it is hard to reconcile my head and my heart. My heart is sore. My heart mourns and will not listen to reason. My heart is heavy and dragging me down.

How do I reconcile realism and idealism? How do I affect the world positively when everything tells me the world is going to hell?

How do I move past this?