Trail(less) Tuesday

My Trail Tuesday turned out to be partly trail-less. I ran/hiked a nice little 13er called Square Top Mountain just across the valley from Mt. Bierstadt. As is apparently the case with most 13ers, this did not have a clearly defined trail to the summit. Thus it was a bit gruelling, tromping up the tundra flanked mountain. It was partly cloudy, but not at all in the scary sort of way, just in the way that kept the temperatures low enough to be bearable. I had the trail to myself for the entire ascent. Only on my careful run down the ridge did I start seeing a few hikers. The parking lot was, of course, full of people hiking Bierstadt.

This was my first alpine run. All of the others have been foothills and whatnot. I've saved the space above timberline for 14er hiking. But this was a nice introduction. Even though I could not run to the top, and had to be super careful running down, the trail along the valley floor was quite nice. I will be looking for more runs/hikes like this in the future.

Mt. Bierstadt across the valley

Square Top among the wildflowers

Square Top Lakes and Bierstadt in the background. 

Panorama from the summit. 

Grays and Torreys to the left and Argentine Peak in the center. 

Obligatory summit selfie. 

And the shoes, of course. 

Elephant Heads, my favorite flower.  

So 2.5 hours, 7.5 miles and ended at 13,795 ft above sea level. A satisfying day. 

a variety of things

Well, it's been some time. I've got some photos to unload.

Summit Lake up Mt. Evans road

 On the 4th of July, we took a drive up Mt. Evans and spent some time away from town.

wildflowers near Summit Lake

 In memoriam of a friend who loved horses, we went riding in Estes Park.

riding in Estes 

RMNP hike after riding. 

 Then hiking after.

last week's trail run, Centennial Cone Park

 Last week's trail Tuesday. It was a brutal run. Though I'm pretty comfortable doing 15+ miles now.

farmer's market I helped with on Sunday

 My friend works at a local farm and I helped her out at the marked on Sunday. I got a lot of really pretty veggies. So far I've made moussaka with fresh onion, eggplant and oregano (or was it basil? I'm hopeless.). I've frozen a couple of pounds of wax beans. Eaten some tomatoes and peppers. I still have all sorts of summer squash, cucumbers including a lemon cucumber, radishes, beets, rainbow carrots, kale cabbage, garlic and um... other stuff. Oh! And I got some honey. Super local and very tasty. I think that was well worth getting up early and spending a few hours in the sun.

Trail Tuesday

Today would have been a prefect day to climb a mountain. It was clear, cloudless blue skies until well after noon. Just a smudge of haze from the not-so-distant fires. I'm sure the cloudlessness and the heat and the steady wind isn't helping those much.

I did not climb a mountain today. Instead I ran. Apparently the furthest I've ever run. Just over 16 miles along the High Line Canal. I ran nearly that far on the Beaver Brook trail a couple of weeks back, but did this run much quicker because I actually ran about 95% instead of having to power hike up hills.

Still like trails better.

I am really considering signing up for a trail race. It's daunting. I know I'm not fast. I'm also not very competitive. It's also never cheap. But I think it would be fun. Too bad I now work on Saturdays. I'd have to take PTO. There's also a 5k obstacle race I've had my eye on. The Rugged Maniac. I could sign up to be a volunteer and could get free race registration. I have to make that decision soon, as the volunteer slots are going to fill up soon.

I can't keep up. So many bad stories on the news. So many people dying, suffering. I want to feel for them all. I want to recognize the humanity in every person. But it is exhausting. And it's oh-so-easy to call them "other" and get on with my life.

I know there needs to be a balance. I cannot conceivably feel for each and every one as I did on June 12. But I also cannot allow myself to ignore the news. I cannot be among the people who think their deaths are unremarkable.

I just don't know how to deal with it anymore.

Trail Tuesday

A member of one of the facebook running groups I'm part of posted about the Beaver Brook trail from Windy Saddle Park. It is close by, just outside of Golden, and I didn't know why I'd never heard of it before. Turns out, we've hiked a bit of the trail from the Genesee side.

cactus blossom

I woke up late, but decided to go anyway. It was beautiful. And not too intense. One notable steep hill that was misery coming back up as it was toward the end of my run. The rest was just amazing. It did get way too hot for the second half of the run, but I had plenty of water and adequate shade as well as a couple of creek crossings to cool me off.

so many wildflowers

I will definitely be going back. I got 11 miles, but I didn't go all the way to the other trailhead, so there is more to conquer.

Clear Creek overlook. 

some exposure. Great trail!

trail tuesday

A lot has been happening lately, but running helps me chill out and mostly not think.

I was at my parents' house on Monday and Tuesday and I made it a point to go for a trail run Tuesday morning. It was really fun to run the trails I hiked a lot as a kid. The trail up the canyon was closed off, which was new, and shortened my intended run, but I still got 5.5 miles in.

It had rained a bit the night before and the smell of damp sage and juniper was divine.

Later that morning, I walked with my mom and her dog and got several good photos of wildflowers. The high desert is a beautiful place.

Photos in no particular order because I'm lazy:

four 0'clocks

prickly pear cactus

scarlet falsemallow

indian paintbrush

rainbow and eerie light over the property

fairy trumpets

sego lily

my uncensored and not-so-eloquent emotions.

I need to get words out, but they don't seem to be coming out correctly.

I am devastated. Heartbroken. My parents don't understand why this has such a profound effect on me. This tragedy in Orlando does not directly affect me. I did not know anyone there. I have never been there.  Yet it affects us all. We are a family. I don't go out much anymore, but it could have been here. It could have been me.

The anti-LGBT rhetoric has been going on for years, centuries. I've been under the impression that I was safe. Isolated in a bubble of time, on the cusp of groundbreaking equality. And yet. My people become the ones violently attacked. And the people who historically spread hatred against us try to turn the conversation back to blaming Muslims. Upholding the second amendment. Sending thoughts and prayers.

I am tired of it. My Christian family and friends has been sending thoughts and prayers my way since I came out. I can almost guarantee that these tend toward hoping that I'll change my mind. Hoping that I'll come back around. Never about my safety. Because if I'm unsafe, it must be because I'm sinning. And if I'd just knock that off, then...

No. I don't accept the "love the sinner, hate the sin" line anymore. You are hating a part of me. A part I am unable (and yes, even unwilling) to change. And that is what gets us to this point in the first place.

Because of that hatred, even under good pretence, LGBTQ people -- people like me-- begin to also hate themselves. My community has the highest rate of suicide.

I cannot even begin to imagine how it feels to lose a loved one in such a hateful and violent act. Tonight, I get to hug my boyfriend. I get to to to sleep next to him and know that in the morning, he'll still be there. But that's only tonight. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

Because of my Christian past and Christian education, I have a lot of old friends who are Christian. And I cherish them. Most of them are grieving for the state of the world right along with me and the Queer community. That is the love I was taught so much about. That is how Jesus taught his followers to behave. But it is not enough. It isn't enough to be sad today. Or this week. The thoughts and actions regarding LGBTQ people need to change permanently.

It wasn't a Muslim who murdered people the other night. It was a man. A man indoctrinated into the toxic masculinity that is rife in this country and the world.

Lesbians, Gay men, bisexuals, transgender men and women and other queer identified people aren't pushing their agendas. We are simply trying to survive in a world that is actively trying to eradicate us.

I don't care if you agree with me or my choices all the time. That would be boring. All I beg for is recognition of my status as a human being. No greater or lesser than anyone else. We have a right to live. To live without fear for our lives.

Just as others have the right to live without fear in their places of worship (though lately, those haven't been so safe either), we should be able to live without fear in our places of celebration. We should be able to live as we are without fear of losing our homes or our jobs.

Don't just grieve. Don't turn this to a debate tangent. Do something about the way you think of people. The way you treat people that are different than you.

I am human. Please recognize that.

the tooth saga continues

I've figured out what's wrong in my mouth.

Before this year, I hadn't gone to the dentist for several years. Like... four. So I needed a few things done. Unfortunately, all the things were on the upper right side of my mouth. One root canal and crown and two fillings. One of the fillings is in the tooth right next to the crown, the other is the farthest back molar. For the most part, after the crown and fillings were done, everything was fine. I had some sensitivity on the tooth with the filling next to the crown. Mostly to cold. I went in and it was adjusted (ground down) a bit and I was told that it was normal for awhile and it should go away in a few weeks.

Nearly two months passed and I still had quite a lot of sensitivity, especially to cold. So I returned and they tapped around and found that I had some pain in the root canal tooth. So they decided that one was a bit too high and ground it down a bit. This was last week. The sensitivity did not diminish, In fact, it began to grow exponentially until on Sunday and Monday, I was in loads of pain and pretty much unable to eat or drink. Monday being the holiday, I called the dentist first thing on Tuesday and got in. Again, the dentist ground down the crown a bit more, thinking that's the problem, even though with a cold test, it was obvious the sensitivity was still from the filling. I was told that if that didn't help, they would likely have to redo the filling, and in the meantime I was given a prescription for painkillers. I immediately filled it. Over the next 24 hours, the pain only increased. Making it impossible to eat, drink or sleep, even with a moderate amount of narcotics. But I was told it should be better in a few days, or to call back, so I muddled through most of Wednesday at work in a fog of pain and/or painkillers. Finally, I told my supervisor that I could get a dental appointment that afternoon, if they could spare me at work. I was sure to let them know that I'd been next to useless all day. It was granted and I got a ride from work to my dentist.

This time, it was the head dentist and he determined that there was nothing wrong with my filling except that it was still too high. So he ground it down a lot, as well as a bit more on the crown. immediately afterward, the pain hit me so hard, I nearly started crying. I got cold sweat and gripped the chair. The dental assistant said I went white. The dentist decided he could numb me up really quickly with lidocaine/novocaine. That was a relief for sure.

Wednesday night was a bit rough, as the tooth was still quite sore. I woke up in the wee hours, but was hesitant to take the painkillers, as I had to drive to work. The pain wore off during the day. So that's awesome.

However, it's been replaced by an uncomfortable dull ache from the back molar filling. Which I am assuming is now too high, after the other things have been ground down. Here's hoping it will work itself out instead of turning to incapacitating pain.

Or, you know, I guess I could return to the dentist and eight time this year.

Work Woes

This week, my schedule at work is changing for the first time in several years. Currently I work four ten hour days and my days off are Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday. From now on, my days off will be Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

It is upsetting for several reasons. One, I am one of the most senior employees in my department and there are a few employees who pick their own schedule. Two, the reason I am being told to switch my schedule is because we are understaffed and unable to hire more people for my department. Apparently Saturday is a day that would be short without my help. 

I don't mind my job. I have met some good people there. I have had good times. I live very close, so the commute is no big deal. I think that on the whole, my workplace is doing good for animals and the community. But my work is very much not my life. I live on the weekend. I live for hiking and camping and travel. I work to make money to do what I love. So weekends are very important to me. Most of my friends and most people in general, have Saturday and Sunday off. When my boyfriend worked for the local government, it was very nice to have two whole days to adventure together. I really hope this new schedule does not interfere with that. Currently, he is on break from school, so for now my lack of Saturdays should not have an effect on any plans we make, but who knows how long he will go without a job or internship. And there is always the possibility that we could still share at least two days off, but it is slim, when only one of mine is an actual weekend. 

I am frustrated with my workplace. I don't appreciate change. I don't feel valued. 

Also I have a toothache and everything is particularly annoying. 

Dental Woes

Tooth pain is the worst pain in my opinion. It's just a deep throb that can't easily be soothed and it interferes with the most simple and pleasurable of activities -- eating and drinking. I generally go a few years between dental visits. This usually results in a couple of fillings, no big deal.

Last year I began to feel some tooth pain and decided to sign up for dental insurance through my work so I could get it checked out. The pain increased and I finally got an appointment for sometime in February. I learned that the cavity was all the way to the pulp and I'd need a root canal. Not terribly pleasant, but at least the insurance made it a bit cheaper. I also had a couple of minor cavities to fill. The root canal proved an immediate relief from the near constant toothache I'd been resigned to. A couple weeks later I went in for the new crown and to fill the other cavities. This was in March. I was warned that there may be some residual sensitivity that would fade in time as the nerves rerouted and whatnot. So I dealt with the rather shocking reaction to cold. I decided that chewing on the left side would be fine for a few weeks.

I went back after two or three weeks because the sensitivity remained, and got them to adjust the bite a bit to see if that would alleviate any pressure. Last week I went in again, a full two months after the procedure. The pain had not subsided, it was extremely noticeable with cold, somewhat with hot and a bit with pressure and sweets. Again, they ground down the crown and bit and assured me that the bite would be more aligned now. Except now I'm undergoing constant, throbbing pain from the tooth as well as the sensitivity to cold, hot and pressure. I am so tired of it. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I hate wasting my days off sitting at the dentist. I hate being irritable from the pain and I hate eating lopsidedly. But I guess I'd better call the dentist first thing Tuesday.