Last week was really rough. I'm still feeling the aftershocks of emotional stress. A lot of things happened with a lot of my friends at work. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy. I wish I could fix everything back up. I am confident that everything will be okay. It will just take time. Some really rough, emotional time.

I found out a few things:

I don't actually handle well under certain sorts of stress. I need someone to give me direction.
I am not used to high emotional stress and it exhausts me.
Though he may make it hard to see, my boyfriend has a huge heart.
My roommate is actually a really good guy to have around.
I really love my friends.

What a day. Consultation with the surgeon (more on that here). Phone tag with the surgeon's office and the medical flex card company to determine if I can use the money I allotted. Very pleasant four miles along Cherry Creek opposite the paved trail. Locked out of my car and waiting in the cold for rescue. Listening to my roommate tear up the kitchen floor that is not only moldy but also has asbestos tiles. Sushi.

Ugh.

I just watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel again. I first watched it on the plane back from Iceland.

It's really quite amazing. A bit of a comedy, but mostly drama. Great scenery, music and acting. I absolutely love Dame Judi Dench. But there are so many other older British actors as well.

My boyfriend's synopsis: "Super Excellent Hotel"  It's about a bunch of old people who go to India to die.

Not exactly true, but not entirely false either. Basically, it's really good and I think everyone can get a little something out of it. I think I may even buy it.

Oh, and they're making a sequel. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

I have been trying desperately to write more. But I've been doing it on paper, so this blog seems a bit neglected. This year I set goals (resolutions?) to write more, read more and run more. So far I've been doing well with all of them.

Running has been especially good lately. I have learned to really enjoy running in the cold weather. The only thing that's hurt me is the long run I did (8.5 miles) was mostly on concrete and my foot hurt a bit afterwords. I need to do at least my long runs on trails. So my next goal is to find some good trails nearby. I moved further from the foothills, so it takes heaps longer to get to some of my favorite ones. I need to find some on this side of town.

I want to register for some races. Probably had better start with a 5k. I can manage that on pavement. I should probably volunteer at one to get the feel as well. My ultimate goal is to be able to do a Spartan Sprint this year. I was sorely tempted last year, but I couldn't justify the cost. Someone mentioned that I could likely get a waived fee if I volunteered for the morning race and ran in the afternoon. So that's a possibility. Then I can combine my two favorite activities - parkour and running.

All of this depends on if/when I get surgery and how long recovery takes. I need to train smart and I don't want to mess up my scars.

This year is going to be great.

Today I learned of the suicide of a young trans woman Leelah Alcorn. It breaks my heart. In her note, she described her family life and how rough it was coming out to her parents at a young age. Her parents, being strict Christians, acted much as my parents did: refusing to believe it, telling her she was selfish, sending her to Christian therapists. However, at such a young age, dependent upon them, she didn't have the option I did of basically ignoring them and doing what needed doing. Even after her death, her parents refuse to honor her as a the woman she was.

These sorts of tragedies need to stop.

I have been fortunate to have great support group of friends. I have a stable job with adequate income. My parents are perhaps slowly coming around. I will hopefully be getting chest surgery within a couple of months with money I've saved over the years.

I have struggled, I am lucky. But I know I am not alone. No one should ever feel so alone.

#reallivetransadult

This other blog is heating back up again.

Today I am mad at my (lack of proper) education. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much right now, particularly. I was just thinking of the second episode of the new Cosmos show, where Neil Degrasse Tyson explains how eyes evolved. I remember being taught how evolution couldn’t possibly be real because eyes are so complex and perfect that they couldn’t gradually develop. Whoever first made that argument was full of shit and knew nothing about science. At first glance, it seems true. Muscles and lenses and all sorts of things in the eye that work together just so. And yet they aren’t perfect. Not at all actually. Eyes developed  under water, aiding ancestors in the fight for survival. Human eyes actually don’t work as well as fish eyes and the like. Interesting how science- if you just take time to learn- can change your perspectives on things.


I don’t believe that this specifically disproves the existence of God. I simply don’t think that science and religion are mutually exclusive. I think that Christianity (in particular) needs to be open to science. Refuting truths does not promote faith. Integrating your faith into proven facts promotes it much better.

lists of 5

List 5 things we don’t know about you:

1. Some may know this. I bake a mean Jack Daniels chocolate chip pecan pie, from scratch- my mom's recipe (though I think she got it from someone else.) I don't make it often though because, health.
2. I really like sheep and I have always dreamed of living/working on a sheep ranch.
3. When I was a kid I wanted to be a dog sled racer in Alaska. (still would be cool!)
4. I grew up (mostly) in a house that was over 100 years old, then moved to a brand new one my dad built in the pasture. 
5. All of my education was Christian, including university. There were a few years of homeschooling mixed in as well.



 5 things you’re knowledgeable about

1. Geography, in general
2. The Lord of the Rings- and anything Tolkien, really. Seriously, ask me anything.
3. Identifying dog breeds. And animal behaviours. Comes with the job, I guess.
4. Some parkour. Also filed under things I wish I was more knowledgeable about.
5. Buying and selling things on eBay. I've made a fair amount of money back on things I no longer want/need. I've also saved heaps by buying used things. My current work shoes (Merrell Trail Gloves) cost me $20 and have lasted well over a year, which at my workplace is unheard of. 


5 things you know nothing about 

1.  Dancing. When I've had something to drink, I can move around a bit, but I wouldn't call it dancing. 
2. Liechtenstein. Literally all I know is where it is. 
3. Cars. Rather, mechanics. I know how to drive and how to do very, very basic maintenance, but I'm not fond of cars and I'm basically lost if anything goes wrong. 
4. Twitter. I am savvy to most social media platforms, but that one has eluded me. 
5. Practical uses for higher math. I know basic math, and I even (barely) passed pre-calc, but I don't know how to use any of that.


5 things you believe

This makes me think of a song: "It's not that I do or don't believe, I just don't not believe in God or aliens or love at first sight." The Guggenheim Grotto (now Storyman)

1. Humans evolved amazing feet and we're now killing off the amazingness by trapping them in tight and padded shoes.
2. I believe cool/cold weather is so much better than hot weather. 
3. I believe that I was taught history and science  incorrectly (see education above.)
4. I believe that there is other life in the universe. It's simply too big. And it's awfully arrogant of us to believe we're alone here (even if you believe in a god.)
5. I believe there is a very big difference between truth and fact. Ask me about it sometime, perhaps I need to write a whole new post on that subject.

Space tights.

I got some running tights. It's vaguely embarrassing, but I really like tights, especially now that I'm very visibly male. I stayed as far away from them as possible until a couple years ago. But these are spectacular and I figured I can force myself to run in cold weather if I feel fantastic. Mostly I have been enjoying this trend of "galaxy" print clothing, especially tights. I saw a video of a guy doing parkour in some, so I decided I could do it too. I like the general oranges and reds that seem most common, but I wanted something unique. And I found the Carina Nebula. The $8 plus a month for shipping from China was just fine.

When I was in college I used this fantastic image as my laptop wallpaper for months at a time (I usually changed the wallpaper every other day or so.) Even now it's in the photo folder that gets rotated through for my current wallpaper.

Here's a more manageable size, but seriously, click the link.

I think what I like about this nebula image is that it's not just colorful, but also bright. It has a lot of white and essentially no black. Most other space images are dominated by black. It's my favorite and someday I hope to have a huge print/poster of it for my wall. 

And here are my tights.

Interstellar-- Go see it. (no spoilers)

Interstellar was very likely the best movie I’ve seen in years.

Epic doesn’t quite do it justice. Nor does awesome, unless we go back to the original meaning.

It’s hard to review the film without spoilers, so I’ll just say it was beautiful and wonderful and only very slightly cheesy in one little aspect.

The basic theme was that we messed up Earth and it’s up to us (and science) to save ourselves. There were no subtleties about trying to revitalize interest in NASA and science in general. The ever-important quest for knowledge and survival. The movie also portrayed the important roles of women in science (though they still had one sort of damseling.)

One thing I enjoyed was that there wasn’t a romance subplot. I think the slight cheesiness that existed would have compounded had there been one.

The effects are “out of this world”! And I even enjoyed Matthew McConaughey’s performance and was pleasantly surprised to recognize a vast majority of the other actors.

If this film doesn’t win all the awards, then I definitely need to watch more movies.