Trail Tuesday

A member of one of the facebook running groups I'm part of posted about the Beaver Brook trail from Windy Saddle Park. It is close by, just outside of Golden, and I didn't know why I'd never heard of it before. Turns out, we've hiked a bit of the trail from the Genesee side.

cactus blossom

I woke up late, but decided to go anyway. It was beautiful. And not too intense. One notable steep hill that was misery coming back up as it was toward the end of my run. The rest was just amazing. It did get way too hot for the second half of the run, but I had plenty of water and adequate shade as well as a couple of creek crossings to cool me off.

so many wildflowers

I will definitely be going back. I got 11 miles, but I didn't go all the way to the other trailhead, so there is more to conquer.

Clear Creek overlook. 

some exposure. Great trail!

trail tuesday

A lot has been happening lately, but running helps me chill out and mostly not think.

I was at my parents' house on Monday and Tuesday and I made it a point to go for a trail run Tuesday morning. It was really fun to run the trails I hiked a lot as a kid. The trail up the canyon was closed off, which was new, and shortened my intended run, but I still got 5.5 miles in.

It had rained a bit the night before and the smell of damp sage and juniper was divine.

Later that morning, I walked with my mom and her dog and got several good photos of wildflowers. The high desert is a beautiful place.

Photos in no particular order because I'm lazy:

four 0'clocks

prickly pear cactus

scarlet falsemallow

indian paintbrush

rainbow and eerie light over the property

fairy trumpets

sego lily

my uncensored and not-so-eloquent emotions.

I need to get words out, but they don't seem to be coming out correctly.

I am devastated. Heartbroken. My parents don't understand why this has such a profound effect on me. This tragedy in Orlando does not directly affect me. I did not know anyone there. I have never been there.  Yet it affects us all. We are a family. I don't go out much anymore, but it could have been here. It could have been me.

The anti-LGBT rhetoric has been going on for years, centuries. I've been under the impression that I was safe. Isolated in a bubble of time, on the cusp of groundbreaking equality. And yet. My people become the ones violently attacked. And the people who historically spread hatred against us try to turn the conversation back to blaming Muslims. Upholding the second amendment. Sending thoughts and prayers.

I am tired of it. My Christian family and friends has been sending thoughts and prayers my way since I came out. I can almost guarantee that these tend toward hoping that I'll change my mind. Hoping that I'll come back around. Never about my safety. Because if I'm unsafe, it must be because I'm sinning. And if I'd just knock that off, then...

No. I don't accept the "love the sinner, hate the sin" line anymore. You are hating a part of me. A part I am unable (and yes, even unwilling) to change. And that is what gets us to this point in the first place.

Because of that hatred, even under good pretence, LGBTQ people -- people like me-- begin to also hate themselves. My community has the highest rate of suicide.

I cannot even begin to imagine how it feels to lose a loved one in such a hateful and violent act. Tonight, I get to hug my boyfriend. I get to to to sleep next to him and know that in the morning, he'll still be there. But that's only tonight. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

Because of my Christian past and Christian education, I have a lot of old friends who are Christian. And I cherish them. Most of them are grieving for the state of the world right along with me and the Queer community. That is the love I was taught so much about. That is how Jesus taught his followers to behave. But it is not enough. It isn't enough to be sad today. Or this week. The thoughts and actions regarding LGBTQ people need to change permanently.

It wasn't a Muslim who murdered people the other night. It was a man. A man indoctrinated into the toxic masculinity that is rife in this country and the world.

Lesbians, Gay men, bisexuals, transgender men and women and other queer identified people aren't pushing their agendas. We are simply trying to survive in a world that is actively trying to eradicate us.

I don't care if you agree with me or my choices all the time. That would be boring. All I beg for is recognition of my status as a human being. No greater or lesser than anyone else. We have a right to live. To live without fear for our lives.

Just as others have the right to live without fear in their places of worship (though lately, those haven't been so safe either), we should be able to live without fear in our places of celebration. We should be able to live as we are without fear of losing our homes or our jobs.

Don't just grieve. Don't turn this to a debate tangent. Do something about the way you think of people. The way you treat people that are different than you.

I am human. Please recognize that.

the tooth saga continues

I've figured out what's wrong in my mouth.

Before this year, I hadn't gone to the dentist for several years. Like... four. So I needed a few things done. Unfortunately, all the things were on the upper right side of my mouth. One root canal and crown and two fillings. One of the fillings is in the tooth right next to the crown, the other is the farthest back molar. For the most part, after the crown and fillings were done, everything was fine. I had some sensitivity on the tooth with the filling next to the crown. Mostly to cold. I went in and it was adjusted (ground down) a bit and I was told that it was normal for awhile and it should go away in a few weeks.

Nearly two months passed and I still had quite a lot of sensitivity, especially to cold. So I returned and they tapped around and found that I had some pain in the root canal tooth. So they decided that one was a bit too high and ground it down a bit. This was last week. The sensitivity did not diminish, In fact, it began to grow exponentially until on Sunday and Monday, I was in loads of pain and pretty much unable to eat or drink. Monday being the holiday, I called the dentist first thing on Tuesday and got in. Again, the dentist ground down the crown a bit more, thinking that's the problem, even though with a cold test, it was obvious the sensitivity was still from the filling. I was told that if that didn't help, they would likely have to redo the filling, and in the meantime I was given a prescription for painkillers. I immediately filled it. Over the next 24 hours, the pain only increased. Making it impossible to eat, drink or sleep, even with a moderate amount of narcotics. But I was told it should be better in a few days, or to call back, so I muddled through most of Wednesday at work in a fog of pain and/or painkillers. Finally, I told my supervisor that I could get a dental appointment that afternoon, if they could spare me at work. I was sure to let them know that I'd been next to useless all day. It was granted and I got a ride from work to my dentist.

This time, it was the head dentist and he determined that there was nothing wrong with my filling except that it was still too high. So he ground it down a lot, as well as a bit more on the crown. immediately afterward, the pain hit me so hard, I nearly started crying. I got cold sweat and gripped the chair. The dental assistant said I went white. The dentist decided he could numb me up really quickly with lidocaine/novocaine. That was a relief for sure.

Wednesday night was a bit rough, as the tooth was still quite sore. I woke up in the wee hours, but was hesitant to take the painkillers, as I had to drive to work. The pain wore off during the day. So that's awesome.

However, it's been replaced by an uncomfortable dull ache from the back molar filling. Which I am assuming is now too high, after the other things have been ground down. Here's hoping it will work itself out instead of turning to incapacitating pain.

Or, you know, I guess I could return to the dentist and eight time this year.