10 April 2012

I can't shake this sinking, sick feeling. It's not my health, I feel amazing. I've been doing body weight exercises, conditioning for parkour.

But I keep having weird sensations. I have the urge to write a will, not that I have anything of value to will to anyone.

Around 5pm today, I had the overwhelming sensation of missing my parents. Missing sitting in the living room and chatting. Going on hikes together with the dogs. Sitting around the table eating my mother's wonderful cooking. Working in the yard together. Watching movies together. Telling my mom about the book I'm reading. Talking with my dad about life.

And I miss my nephew. I haven't properly seen him in years. He knows nothing of what I'm going through. And I miss his cheerful inquiries and his incessant chatting. I'm sure he's changed a lot from what I remember, though. He's 12 now. Probably not as chatty.

I guess I should visit them. And perhaps it should be just me, even though I feel alone and bare when it's just me and them. But the idea feels right.

I just wish I knew what this sinking feeling was, and how to get rid of it.

Perhaps cuddles will help.

1 comment:

Aiden said...

I go through times like that. I actually just finished one. I still need to write a will though- it's why I applied for that life insurance. If it helps- I don't think it means anything is happening anytime soon. I chalk it up to getting older and feeling less invincible- our parents are getting older and I think all that registers subconsciously. Other than the fear- I appreciate those times- because I tend to be more grateful.