02 November 2008

(desperately writing to live)

The world spins, right? Life goes on. Time and distance dull the aches and pains. But there are aches and pains that remain, hidden under years and miles, waiting to reappear in all their former glory. And this is life. Hiding behind smiles. A facade of happiness to cloak the pain. We laugh because it hurts and laughing somehow relieves the ache, even for the tiniest moment. If smiles and laughter are hard to find, we turn to methods with which they can be induced. Drugs, alcohol, sex. Only further perpetuating the deepest pain. For loneliness is the deepest pain. We are placated by work, TV, movies, the internet, but the connections are lost. We miss the people as they pass. Our words are hollow, hurried, harried. With our actions we tell one another there is no time for you, only me. We don't really want to know how you are doing, how the kids are. We only want return to our menial tasks. Our routine. The routine that increases loneliness. It is the disease we rarely know we have. Sure, it springs upon us after a breakup or a death, but we seldom realize that it is caused by our society. Always hurry. All about money. And fun. But you cannot buy someone's love, their time, a deep connection. That takes time and patience and pain. It is not fun. To truly know someone we must become vulnerable. We must trust. But we are cowards. We hid behind our bluster, defining ourselves by what we do. We lose who we actually are. We lose sight of the things that matter. We are emotionally dead. Or is that just me?

4 comments:

toseemoreglass said...

That is so so good!!

AgentRusco said...

I will humbly accept your praise, even though it was a rather bitter writing.

toseemoreglass said...

This is true, but you struck a chord that I believe resonates with most if not all of western society.

I heard it said once that life isn't about pleasure, it is about joy. I know when everything is going wrong in my life I feel like something is wrong and so I try and fix it by seeking out pleasure, and it just doesn't work. Lately I've been in that spot. That UGH! and lonely place. And I catch myself wanting to go seek out temporary pleasure that leaves me worse off.

But I am learning to find joy in my pain and suffering and that is because of Christ. Right now, in my life, he is just striping everything away and I'm learning to lean on him and when I do I am able to find an unexplainable joy in the midst all circumstances.

AgentRusco said...

Excellent sentiment. Thanks.