09 November 2016

Thoughts on the Election

I have a lot going on in my head but I haven't been able to properly express any of it. I'm exhausted. I stayed up late waiting for the results of the election. I wept. My body shook involuntarily for hours.

Today I went to work and talked very very little. I cried on all of my breaks. Just reading the news. Well, reading posts that my friends put online expressing sorrow (grief, really), anger, despair, disbelief, confusion. And I mirror all of it.

The scene from V for Vendetta of gay people being pulled from their beds at night keeps playing in my head. It terrifies me and it cannot be allowed.

I think mostly of the youth. People of color now outnumber whites in America, and their children more so. Apparently some find that threatening. I am afraid for those kids. I am afraid for the children of immigrants and refugees. The Muslim and Jewish children. The LGBTQIA+ kids. Especially with Pence's hateful ideas about the use of conversion therapy for homosexuality. I fear the rates of teen suicides going up.

I also feel guilt. Guilt that I believed so strongly that Americans would make the better choice. That so many wouldn't choose fear and hatred. And that I wasn't more active in supporting those who needed it most.

I was assigned female at birth, and thus grew up with that social ideology. Being trans has made that former status invisible, but it is not forgotten. I did not transition because I hate women. I did so because I am not one. I stand for women's rights. Bodily autonomy in every way. Equality in every way.

I rarely fit gay stereotypes, but the fact remains. I am a (mostly) gay trans man in a world that just showed itself more hostile to people like me.

I am white. And from that privilege, I cannot speak to the pain that people of color of feeling now. I only pledge to use my privilege to help in any way possible.

I know that several old 'friends' of mine (not to mention family) voted for Trump under some notion that he was the better Christian choice. I will not forgive that. This man is nothing that Jesus would have approved of. He loves only money and adoration. I know that these and a great many other people would have been upset had Hillary Clinton won. People may have worried about their tax money. About their guns. Even about unborn fetuses. But right now, I am worried about my life. I am worried about the lives of my friends who live in counties and states that voted overwhelmingly red. I am worried about my friends who have an intersectionality of minorities. My Latinx lesbian friends, my Black trans friends, etc. What half the nation told us yesterday was that our safety and wellbeing is not a priority.

After all of this, I am a naturally optimistic person. And we will get through it. Progress cannot be halted. It can be hindered, but it cannot be turned back. This will prove a tough time for many of us. But I will tolerate no racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, or victim blaming. I will stand up for everyone I can. We can and will fight for our right to exist

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