17 December 2011

thoughts on religion

I am afraid of religion. Not in general, just as it pertains to me. The reaction I have at the thought returning to religion is much like the reaction I have at the thought of returning to school. I'm not entirely sure where this feeling came from. I don't think it's always been there. For quite awhile after I came out as some shade of queer, I tried to rectify my faith with what I believed about myself. I still believe this is possible, just not for me.

I certainly do believe in God. I just don't believe in organized religion I guess. It seems to get it wrong time and time again. I understand the structure and I remember how good it felt to be a part of that club. But I can do without the guilt, thanks. And I don't enjoy the exclusivity anymore.

I don't like to try to narrow God into a definition. From what I've experienced, perhaps He's benevolent. But there is also evidence that He's a bit spiteful and vengeful and even cruel. But then again, I think that's just humanity. And life.

Anyhow, I am allergic to religion and furthering my education in the traditional manner.

God is no longer back-burner as I wrote some years ago. He's basically cooling off in that little drawer under the stove.

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