Kenya et al

Current events: US primary elections, feet of snow, school starts Monday, payday on Friday, oh, and Kenya is falling apart.

I'll start at the beginning and then skip to the end.

The US Presidential campaigns sicken me. It is important to hear from those that wish to bid for the role, but why so much money is needed is way beyond me. The amount of money spent by each of the candidates during the period before the actual election is more money than many smaller economies produce in a year. Millions of dollars, gone. What do we see of it? Only a few people raised above the rest for everyone's consideration. I'd like to care, but it sickens me. I think I'll vote for Bono.

So while this goes on, and on, and on, Kenya just underwent an election. Sort of. Well, the people voted all right, but the votes were apparently not counted correctly and the incumbent president will not give up his power. All those people who eagerly voted became a bit angry when the tantalizing options offered to them were suddenly taken away. They became violent. It's in the news, sometimes. I do not have television, but I've seen it in a few local papers, in the middle section, the two pages of world news. Kenya had a fourth of a page one time, with a photo. The violent, upheaval type of photo.

That is not the Kenya I know. The Kenya I visited last summer was far from perfect (what isn't?), but was a sort of home away from home. It was not the peacefulness, because I did not consider it. It was not the comparatively good economy that only allowed for small margins of corruption. It was the people. They are who I think of. They are the home I found there. I do not so much worry about the tribal violence that has ensued. I worry about my friends who are forced to stay indoors where it is safe. They are unable to venture out for food and other necessities. The inflation in Kenya has taken off as well, making whatever money they do have worth so much less. For people barely making enough as it was previously, that is very nearly a death sentence. I think of the small businesses that The 10/10 Project has helped to establish. I know these people, scraping a living from the poorest parts of their country. Helping their community, strengthening the bonds of humanity. That is all shattered now. People, torn from one another; forced into hiding. Many dead. Homes and businesses burned and looted. It rends my heart.

The Kenya in the news these past weeks is not the Kenya I know. The Kenya I know is comprised of the many faces of lovely people who eagerly welcomed me into their homes; who fed me until I could eat no more; who loved me, and taught me to love.

Selfish Motives?

I'm going to Kenya in May. It seems like the right thing to do. I haven't left the country yet this year. But recently the question was asked "why do you want to go to Kenya?" and you know what? I cannot answer that question for the life of me. I have some good answers, but no great ones. My answers are such as these: "I feel God's call to missions," which is true by the way, but not specific, "I need to leave the country," random, also true, selfish? Here's another "I want not to stay at home with my parents all summer long," even more selfish, and also true. How about "I don't feel like a real person unless I am traveling and helping people and not getting paid."? Does that work? Because that's the closest I've come to the answer.

I am not a whole person here at school. I do not want to be here. In my head, I know that it is a necessary point in time. That it is most excellent to further my knowledge of many things. However, I'm a person of action. I hate to sit around and learn about problems elsewhere. In fact, sitting around learning about things makes me the most apathetic person I know. But when I'm away, when I'm out there, helping people, digging holes, building things, just talking to people that I can learn from, people from different cultures, that is where I feel like a real person. That is where I belong.

So is it selfish that I want to go to Kenya in order to feel like I matter? Seems like it. This brings up my everlasting question: is any decision ever unselfish? Or are there just less selfish choices? I feel that as a human being everything is tinged with selfishness. I cannot think like God, and I cannot disengage myself from my own body. So the answer is this to me: yes, my reason for going is tainted with selfishness, perhaps even afloat with it, but I'm striving to turn that selfish motivation into action to help others. Does that count?