Outer Wilds Review (spoiler free – hopefully):

 

I want to talk about this game. I want to delve in with all my friends. But I also don’t want to spoil anything for those who haven’t played. Because that would be tragic. The entire point of the game is to gently gather clues and progress at whatever rate suits the player. It’s a bit confusing at first. Difficult to maneuver. Aimless. But after a while some semblance of direction emerges, and clues lead to other discoveries and so on and on. There is very little pressure, though some things require speed or patience or just precise timing. Figuring out where to employ any of those tactics is part of the fun!

The game is beautiful: aesthetically, emotionally, thematically. The soundtrack repeats in my head all day on its various instruments.

I love the feel of a camping adventure which is apparently what the creator was going for. The feeling of being a small person in a large universe that does not revolve around the player like so many other games do. One has the choice to do anything, or nothing at all. I can roast marshmallows. Fly into deep space. Crash into the sun. The options are there and accompanied by “real” physics! It’s also lovely that the characters, being alien, don’t have human gender constraints and many – most – of them are referred to as they and them.

There are a few quibbles of course. It’s not easy to fly the ship at first. Or to land without damage. But it comes with time. (Don’t forget the “match velocity” feature!) I generally prefer third person POV, but I totally understand that first person is essential for the immersion of this game. I also would have preferred voice acting for the dialogue (not the translated texts though.) A timer would be nice, just to keep track. I can also see why this was not included: it adds to the mystery and immersion. Another thing that would have been welcome was a log that could be accessed via the suit when outside the ship. Again, I get how this adds to the immersion, but it was occasionally frustrating to have to return to the ship to check on a piece of information. None of these critiques made me love the game any less. Just observations really. I am aware that there are mods that address many of these, but I’m on console, so they don’t apply.

Have I mentioned the music? If you know me, you know that I love film, TV, and game scores. This one is so lovely and appropriate for the gameplay. It’s mostly jaunty and upbeat, but underpinned with melancholy. Each location has its own unique sound, and everything harmonizes wonderfully. I also love that a specific theme gently lets the player know when a certain repeated thing is about to repeat.

This might not be for you (or proceed with caution) if get motion sickness from games, or if you’re agoraphobic, acrophobic, claustrophobic, thanatophobic, thalassophobic, or ichthyophobic. Yes, that’s quite a list. Don’t look them up if you don’t know what they are, generally if you have that phobia, you’ll know what it’s called.

If you do decide to begin this game after my review, please do not resort to any how to guides or walkthroughs. This will rob you of the experience. Once you learn something, you cannot unlearn it. Instead, if/when you get stuck. Review your past actions. Try to find gaps. Would something work differently at a different time or a different angle? If needed, visit the Outer Wilds Reddit, and request hints. They are a helpful group that will not spoil the experience because they know its value.

Please play this wonderful, unique game. And come talk to me about it!

 

 

Book Review: Some Strange Music Draws Me In by Griffin Hansbury

First of all, the title got me as I’ve been a fan of the U2 cover of this song since I fist heard it. Since reading this book, the song has been on repeat in my head. But onto the actual book:

Some Strange Music Draws Me In is now added to my personal queer essential books list which includes Stone Butch Blues and My Government Means to Kill Me.

This book was written by a trans person, for trans people. It means a lot. It was great. It was also tough. So much of it resonated with me in ways that very few other books have. It was stunning – pleasing and uncomfortable – to be so fully represented in a book as an older transmasculine person.

The narrative switches between 1984 and 2019. In 1984 the protagonist was 13 going on 14 and pre-transition. In 2019, he has fully transitioned and lives and works as a man. This is a coming-of-age in many ways. It is not a transition timeline, and I appreciate that. It’s more of a reflection on youth and changing times. Nostalgic, despite blatant bigotry and hardship. 

In 1984, Mel meets a trans woman and is drawn to her as a familiar other. Though Mel doesn’t know that he’s trans, he immediately knows that he is similar to Sylvia. Sylvia also sees this and befriends Mel, helping him to understand that there is more than what he’s been shown. There are more people that feel this way. Mel lives in a small town filled with people who have a limited and limiting mindset about everything other. It’s not a fun place to find oneself when one is part of the other.

In 2019, Max struggles with feeling left behind in the trans movement. He’s rooted to his own experience of transition in the ‘90’s and is not as up to date on the terminology of the present. He also feels erased as a binary trans person. He’s affirmed in his man-ness, but often not in his trans-ness. Because he is both. Yes trans men are men. But we’re also different and that counts for something. Max revels that the youth do not have to suffer as much as he did, but he’s also angry that they don’t acknowledge the struggles he had to go through.

Though the protagonist is 15 years older than me, I too, struggled with lack of representation for what I felt growing up. I had no language for it. Even as I first began to transition, most of the representation I saw was of transfeminine people. There were a couple trans men, but the general public didn’t even know we existed. Despite the lack of public representation, trans people have always existed. Even when it was incredibly hard to do so.

I am so happy that young people these days have access to the vastness of the internet and media that now shows some positive representation. I’m also pretty jealous. And, like Max, I occasionally feel that the experiences of older tans people are not well acknowledged, or are occasionally considered problematic and written off.

The book ends on a positive note, no killing the queers in this one! However, another character does die tragically, and that hit close to home for me. I was able to escape my upbringing and move on to new and better things, but some people get left behind and cannot make it out.

 

 

Some notable quotes:

“…the mystery of knowing, how we can know a thing without thinking it, and how unthought knowledge leaves traces, fragments of the truth before it’s fully born.”

“How does the expanse of gender lead us right back to the binary?”

“…stunned and delighted, the way I am whenever I find other trans people simply existing…”

“People don’t say this often, but queerness can save your life. It forces you outside, where you have no choice but to find other resources.”

“Mostly I envied them the freedom they enjoyed. They didn’t have to worry about the things I worried about… Love and sex could be fun and open. The cops might hassle them, shine a flashlight and tell them to get moving, but they’d never be arrested for what they did or who they were. They’d never be publicly shamed… They had something I could not access.”

 

20 years!?

 

I graduated from High school 20 years ago. It’s weird how I simultaneously still feel like a kid who doesn’t know what’s going on and an old, withered person who’s seen too much. I’m obviously somewhere in the middle of that. But it is interesting to see how much I’ve changed.

I went to a little reunion get-together at one of my former classmate’s house. There were only 3 from our class in attendance. The 3 that live on the Front Range of Colorado. We originally planned to go to the Western Slope to some old haunts, but no one else was able/willing to attend.

For context there were 8 people in my graduating class, so 3 is not a bad percentage!

It was nice to catch up. They’re both married with kids, and I was again reminded how baffling that can be since so many of my friends are queer. Many also married with kids, but the vibe is certainly different.

I had a decent time in high school. Eighth grade was hellish. My first year at the school. But it got better. I had a couple good friends in my class and a couple even closer friends in other grades, but who lived nearer to me. I commuted about an hour with a van full of students from my area and along the route. I was the furthest besides the van driver.

Because the school was small, the class sizes were nice. A decent learning experience for most subjects. It was a Christian school, so I lacked a bit in some learning areas, but I was well-prepped for college. At the Christian university.

Anyway, it is fascinating to reminisce and catch up. We plan to do so again since we all live fairly close. We’ll see if that happens.