This month will be good.

Comic Con this weekend.

14er next weekend.

Then Pride/ out of town friends.

So good.

I just have to survive the workdays in between.

Today was grand. We hiked up part of Mt. Bross. Then we slid down it.





And then I got to see a good friend I had in high school. We were rather ridiculous and creative and I miss those times.

Self-pity is an easy thing. I struggle not to feel sorry for myself nearly every day. Because there really is  no reason. I've got it good.

I think it's the lack of change that wears on me. The idea that this is the norm. 40 hours a week. Come home. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Drive the same roads. Buy gas. Buy groceries. Watch Netflix. Spend hours on tumblr.

The only saving grace is getting out to hike on the one weekend day Liam and I share.

It's getting hot out, so soon it'll be even worse.

Nothing like binding and layering while drenched in sweat...

This is the life I choose. I must choose to change it, if change is what I need.

(my new mantra.)

Being stagnant is easy. Self-pity is easy. Apathy is easy.

I tend to like easy. And hate myself.

I must change my normal.

Last winter my cat died. It wasn't a huge deal for me because he lived with my parents. He was very old, close to 20 actually. I got him as a kitten when I was 10 or so. He was an indoor/outdoor cat so his age was even more astounding. Most of our cats only live for around 8 years.

Anyhow, my mom kept a catnip plant for him and whatever cats we had at the same time. She even transplanted it when we moved. He hoarded it. He would lie in the bush and eat it and swat at anything that came near. He'd get sluggish and drugged up and snag my pant legs with a single claw. It was very clearly his catnip.

My mother informed me that this spring the perennial catnip did not return. Apparently Patrick and the catnip were symbionts.

I had a taste of who I once was this weekend.  I was something of an activist in college and the year or so following. This weekend I was invited to a 10 year anniversary of the non-profit I interned with and traveled with to Kenya. It was almost surreal to revisit that stage of my life. I saw almost no one I knew, as the people have changed over the years, and of course so have I. It was odd in many ways to revisit my past. It was odd to see the few people I did know now that I've transitioned. For their part, they made it entirely not awkward at all. It was refreshing.

It got me thinking about my life though. When I was 20 and a few years beyond all I wanted was to work with an international humanitarian non-profit. And to some extent I still do, but I've lost much of the drive. I now know that money actually is important to have a least some of. I know that most non-profits do not pay very well, especially with only a bachelor's degree.

So I got to thinking about furthering my education. Again. I just don't like traditional education. I don't think I got much out of it in my 16 years in school. I certainly had some good times and I do like learning, but I am unsure if I want to revisit that part of my life. Especially now that going to grad school would be complicated by my long absence from university and my transition.

Anyhow, I had a bit of nostalgia and it was nice to share that part of my life with Liam. I know that my involvement with that project is past, but it was fun to look back.

The winning team. Football at St. Luke's School in Western Kenya.

words

So I obviously haven't been doing the word of the day every day. But when a word I find interesting comes along, I like to do it. Though I seem to save them for the weekend. And, I don't have sentences for them. It's odd. I've had these words sitting here and I think they're fun words, but I don't have anything to say about them. so.

droll \drohl\, adjective:

1. amusing in an odd way; whimsically humorous; waggish.

logomachy \loh-GOM-uh-kee\, noun:

1. a dispute about or concerning words.
2. an argument or debate marked by the reckless or incorrect use of words; meaningless battle of words.